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Note to self: I am not Superman I am not going to save the world.

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Wednesday, 11 November 2009

Wells, back to blog!

What's new!

WELL! I AM 19! Supposedly. Hahaha.

Had my 19th birthday celebrations @ The Loft at Kismis. Purdey organised it and it was great! Caught up with some jazz peeps that we have been too busy to remain in contact with. Wasn't much of a surprise though. Edwin, you need to brush up your lying skills already. Damn lousy you know.

My 2nd and 3rd sister also celebrated my birthday too! They drew on some balloons and got me a mini cake! Haha. Love them to bits! They also say I am their favorite brother. And obviously I am the only brother they have so I have to be the favorite. Going to Liang Court though later for a birthday dinner!JAP FOOD! WHOOOOOOO!~

And just the other day, I was attending this huge World International Hainan Congress. Sounds cool eh? Haha. Its a gathering of world Hainan Association leaders from all over the world and in fact there were close to 200 tables there for the event. Kind of proud of it as my uncles are in the committee, in fact, I think one of them is going to run for presidency of the Hainan Association soon. And it brings us to the fact of our culture and dialect groups. Nowadays I feel that the cultural values that our ancestor brought to Singapore has been lost. My grandpa left his village and came to Singapore to work. And soon he owned a coffee shop. Times were tough and bad but he persevered and regularly sent a large chunk of his income back to the village. And now coming to me, the 3rd generation of the Cheng Family in Singapore, it seems all of his values were lost, maybe he failed to make a great impression on me as he died when I was just 4. But one thing for sure that I am going to keep is my Hainanese heritage, no one can take it away from me. And I think its time for all of us to start investigating our heritage and understanding it.

Be proud of your heritage. Learn your culture.

xx signed off at 6:20:00 PM
Sunday, 18 October 2009

Well, some of you out there might have already heard about it, my neighbor's son has crashed the 38 year old Volkswagen beetle. And that is kind of sad you know. Don't get me wrong, I ain't concerned about my neighbour's son, he broke the law and he has to pay for it. I feel damn sad about the old volksy. It has gone through 38 years of driving, many coats of paint, many roads and streets that we might never gone or heard before, the distance it covers is so huge that our total walking distance in our lifetimes would never match up to it. And all the great legacy, the great images is all that is left behind. My neighbour said he is still considering whether to repair it but the damage was quite great as 2 of the front wheels was broken. And the fact that he hasn't been working for a couple of years makes it worse cos it is considered as a liability as it is so old. I just pray and hope the car would be repaired! However I do know that the possibility of that happening is really really low.

Goodbye volksy, you have left many great memories in my mind.

You will always be part of my life as I have been part of yours, though we only went out together around 4 or 5 times, you have been great fun.

I would always remember how your engine smells when it is stationary, or how your wheels smoked when I braked too hard once, so how tiny your little side mirrors are, and how you always fog up the back window whenever I on the aircon.

I would always remember how much I sweated when I first drove you because I never knew you were that high tech enough to have even an air con.

I would always remember how I so wanted to drive you home after just going past 4 traffic lights. You were difficult to manage and control for a guy who has been driving an automatic car for the last 6 months, but you were great fun.

And don't you ever forget it.

And all I can do is sit here and pray that you can come back with your super loud engine and roar once again at my house carpark.

I miss you so badly that I had even dreamt of you twice. I dreamt you came back to the carparkand I was so full of joy, so delighted, so happy that you are even back here. I do hope my dreams come true.

You are the best thing I never had volksy.

I MISS YOU!

xx signed off at 5:08:00 AM
Wednesday, 23 September 2009

Alrights, I just came back from a haircut. And that set me thinking.

What am I really paying for a $30 haircut?

I thought about it throughout the haircut and I came up with this theory.

Firstly, 10 cents for the tea that was refillable. Kind of sweet like chrysanthemum tea.
Secondly, another 10 cents for the aroma therapy that they were using.
Maybe 30 cents for the shampoo I used.
And another 10 cent for the water that was used for the 2 times they washed my hair.
30 cents to the washing of the 5 towels that I used when I was there.
And another 10 cent for the wax.

so that leave us with $29 bucks to spend.
Maybe 10 bucks should be allocated to the rental, the electricity bills and other miscellaneous

2 bucks each to the 4 girls who serviced me indirectly by massaging my head, or putting shampoo or washing my hair or refilling my cup of tea or blowing my hair or styling my hair or opening the door and putting a great smile on their faces.
and finally 11 bucks to the 2 hairdressers who are the main owners of the shop.

I know I know.

You are going to say, you gotta be crazy to spend 30 bucks on just a haircut.

But the thing is, its not just a ordinary haircut.

Its more than just a haircut. Its all the extra service or the value added to the main service.

I am talking about like that 5 min long head massage plus shampooing. It makes you feel so relaxed or less tense and I totally love it. You gotta be ingenious to think of that.

And they used 5 towels, 5 different towels when I was there. Imagine how many towels they have. It just makes you feel so privileged.

And I feel that my hairstylist has such a strong personality. She treats our hair like art at times you know. She cant stand slight imperfection. If one of my sideburn is just a teeny weeny bit longer, she would cut it off. If she feels some part of my hair looks weird, it is gone. And I just admire her for her sense of perfection and style. I don't even need to say what kind of look I want, or the style of my hair. I just go in, drink the tea, sit back, and let her do the job without me saying a single word.

And that's quality.

That's why I feel this haircut is worth every single bit of that 30 dollars.

And if you are interested in the final product.

Here's that:

xx signed off at 8:46:00 PM
Saturday, 12 September 2009

I think I am falling in LOVE

with my family car. HAHAHA! The more I look at my car, the more I start to love it.
I love every single bit about it.
The sexy front and chubby back.
The enormous power and brake horsepower for such a family car.
The wonderful handling with the sharp turning and such.
The ever so fuel efficient 4 cylinder engine.
The surprise it gives to other road users when I race them.
The stylish interior.
And not forgetting the GANGSTER BLUE INTERIOR LIGHTS!

THE ONE AND ONLY SEXY HONDA STREAM!

Its just so enjoyable driving it around. For a driver, we look for comfort and the handling of the car. This are its most important characteristics for we do not want to manhandle a beast nor be stuck in something for an hour.

I am loving every single minute of being in that car.

I can even drive the car when I feel so exhausted or physically tired cos its just such an easy car to drive!

Adding on, I have been becoming a regular with my neighbour's 30 year old Beetle. Or Volksy as I call it.

That car is so different from the Honda.

But it doesn't mean that car is bad.
It really gives the authetic feeling for a real car. A car to control. You can feel the car's weight and its engine is just so loud like some supercar like that. How many cars can you find on the road that has a boot at the front and the engine at the back? And most importanly, that car will never give me the adrenaline rush to speed. And I am probably the safest driver around in that car. Those cute 10 cm in diameter circle side mirrors which makes it impossible to see the sides. And the small puny window at the back that when you back any one sitting at the back, it just compeletly block for the window and you are like driving around blindly.

Cars.
What a wonderful feat of engineering by man.

And now on to the real reason why I am blogging today.

Have you ever felt treated unfairly. Like doing lots of work for some subject but not being rewarded by the grades? Or doing alot of work for someone but you don't feel appreciated? Well, someone once told me along the way that "Life is unfair, if life is really fair, God would have given you fingers that all look the same and have the same height."

I guess that everyone is unique in his/her own nature. We all have our own perspectives on life. To me, life is like a story. And death is the happy ending. Don't get me wrong. I am not saying its happy to die. But though I aint been going to church, I still believe in God and by dying, its just another way of saying, "Go meet God" for me. A good friend once told me that everything happens for a reason. Its just stepping stones to your goal or what God has planned for you. They aren't called obstacles. Maybe when you feel life is unfair, its a stepping stone for you to move on to something else. Make full use of your life for how many decades are there in anyone's life. If life is short, what else could be longer in this world then?

If you feel disheartened. DON'T BE! Pick up your courage and yourself. For you never know what kind of impact you have on others. For you might not be able to solve all the problems in the world, but by helping even if it is just one person, you are already a solution to the world.

A quote to think about:
" Never alter yourself in order for someone to love or accept you!! Be you 365! Someone will love and accept you for you. Time is valuable; don't waste it pretending to be someone you're not."
Sometimes we feel like we have to change us in order to be loved or accepted. I want everyone to know that there is someone in this world that will love you and accept you (flaws and all) for who you are. We are all unique.
Copyright © 2009 Erica Black

xx signed off at 6:23:00 AM
Friday, 21 August 2009

How would you describe life?

For me, my life story so far is unremarkable.

Life can sometimes be described like driving a car.

Just the other day, I drove my neighbour's old volkswagen beetle out to do errands.
It looked so cute and wonderful from the outside.
Just like any vintage car.
But when you enter the car for the first time.
It was like having to adapt a change in your life.
And it was difficult, because that car is so different from the manual and auto japanese cars that I drive.
It was a 4 gear german transmission car and I really didn't had any idea how to even start moving.
Like what is the gear ratio or what is the top speed for each gear.
And along the way, I had people laughing, people pointing, people flashing their headlights at me, people horning me.
It was terrible like hell. I felt like turning back home and just take a bloody bus or cab there after just 2 traffic lights. I felt so insulted at times.
And did I mention that there was no aircon?
But I went along for the next 20mins in that car, ignoring the people that was making of me and the car. And during the return trip, i manage to keep up with other cars finally without anyone having had to make fun of me nor overtaking me.

And this is so true about life aint it.
There are times when people go through shit in their lifes.
People making fun of you, people degrading you, insulting you.
And you really have to be mentally strong because these people are like a pack of wolves, only waiting for you to fall so they can devour you.
People are always, oh, this is a very civilised world now.
I would tell you, tell them this ,"Bullshit"
Out there, this is a "civilised" world, this is a man-eat-man world
Spare me the formalities, but in this world of ours, people are always targeting the next one to be brought down.
If you still think this is a civilised world, you are living in a fantasy world.
So when you are brought down, stand up, don't let them laugh at you, don't turn back, there is only the future not the past to move on to.
Master your environment and learn on the move.
Shit happens.
Your life is about how you wade through this shit and get out of it.
My life is in a mess, in a shithole.
But I am determined to wade through.
Are you?

I can tell you this. I am still going to drive that volkswagen around.
My neighbour has offered the car to be used whenever he is not using it.
I am gonna master it one day so that no one can insult nor laugh at me.
Would you do the same?

I once read of this meanginful poem about life.

THE DASH POEM by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
from the beginning...to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth
and spoke of the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
that she spent alive on earth...
and now only those who loved her
know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own;
the cars....the house...the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard...
are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what's true and real,
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives
like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
and more often wear a smile...
remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy's being read
with your life's actions being rerun...
would you be proud of the things they
say about how you spend your dash?

I think my dash still needs to improve.
But I think after BAOC, I would say, my dash has improved by lots.
How about yours?
How much love and how did you live during that dash?
How you going to go about improving that?

-Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?

xx signed off at 1:57:00 AM
Thursday, 23 July 2009

today happenings made me realise and focus on one word

INTEGRITY

How do u define such a word?

According to the dictionary, its the adherence to moral and ethical principles, otherwise known as honesty.

Everyone has a different meaning of the terminology of words such as conscience, perfect, integrity. When one is doing something with integrity, how do we know to what extent does his integrity applies? I have seen people who do things that are as such against my own moral conscience but it seems it is just bread and butter to him and it doesn't prick his conscience nor does it seem to go against his meaning of the term "integrity".

For me simply, as long as i don't go against my own conscience, i feel i am within the category of those with integrity. As the saying goes "Integrity is telling myself the truth, Honesty is telling others the truth".

And the tough part is to measure other people's integrity and how do you reward them for it? Do you give them extra marks just because they have integrity? To me, integrity is something you live with, something personal to you, there is no need to be recognised by others, because as long as you have integrity, you have lived your life well. Integrity is your inner image. If you look into yourself and see yourself as an honest young man who will never cheat. Then you can be sure that you never will because you are what you make yourself to be.
Live your own live with integrity!

As quoted by Francis Bacon Senior,

"It's not what we eat but what we digest that make us strong, not what we gain but what we save that make us rich, not what we read but what we remembered that make us learned, not what we profess but what we practice that give us integrity"

How do you define integrity?

xx signed off at 12:49:00 AM
Sunday, 12 July 2009

The King of Pop has gone.

Its kind of weird aint it? I grew up in a world when Michael Jackson was so popular. It was after the release of his Thriller album. And all of a sudden, we one day woke up to a world which was without its very own King of Pop. I think this really shows how fragile life is. It was a death that no one expected. Even at his death, the King of Pop still had so many ongoing dramas. It seemed like his family wasn't allowed to breathe as they had to handle so much things. Who say fame was great. There is such a lack of personal privacy. I would rather lead my own quiet peaceful life. Even though i wasn't much of a fan of Michael Jackson, the fact is, he is the heart of music when he lived, and for that i respected him for that.

Goodbye King of Pop.

Now i am trying to think what i wanna do after my NS. It's always good to plan ahead. But after having lunch with one of my poly lecturers, I am kind of confused. I have always aimed for a Degree in Commerce at UWA or something, but my lecturer encouraged me to go for an arts course or the accounting degree at ACCA. Ughs, let's leave that to another day.

Driving or maintaining a car is freaking expensive man. I had to drive down to Malaysia just to pump petrol when my family was overseas. However you cannot discredit the convenience part of having a car. And i just realised my car had freaking alot of scratches. And my mum is blaming me for it. UH SHIT. I didn't even bang or hit anything yet after 4 months. watever.

And just yesterday, got caught for playing soccer at 1am by the police, they had nothing better to do. Got my details recorded down AGAIN. Hopefully nothing else happens. And that is not going to stop me from continuing my night soccer!

-life's like that

xx signed off at 11:21:00 PM
Tuesday, 12 May 2009

Its the time to say goodbye to you.

The time has come. This is the time that I have been dreading about. The time to let go of them.

Of my 2 partners who are the closest to me.

Of my god daughter.

Of my good friends.

Of the society people.

Its time. It just feel so awkward you know. Its like you don't wanna let go, but you know you have too. It not something that I am facing by myself. I am sure the rest of the guys are feelings this too. Its like for the past 1 year, we have been so super nonsensical busy to the limit. And all of a sudden life's so aimless and helpless. Like a transitional period. Trying to find something new to occupy the time. I can't possible stick to Jia Huey or Purdey. They have their own cca and group to manage. Its time to let go.

Its just a matter of time now.

Its the transitional period.

School is back. And it sucks. They just chose me for attachment. But the thingy is I have IS supposedly next semester. Its just so shitty. If they choose me for attachment then why can't they use their bloody brains and put me into IS this semester? LIKE HELLO!! KNOCK KNOCK!! USE YOUR BRAINS PLEASE!!

Now I really dunnoe where my life is heading in the short term. I just feel so like I have no control of my life. I am living day by day, just trying to get past the day, trying to make life as fun as possible, hanging around different people, exploring different things.

Its the transitional period.

1 month has passed since the death of my granny, and you know, a part of me pines for her no matter how strong I try to pretend or smoke screen it. I think for the past month my acting has been really good. It was really crucifying travelling to and fro for school during the funeral, but somehow I just manage to pull it off. And I managed to hide so many things inside of me till even the people closest to me don't even know of. Or is it that I am just retreating back to my shell? Life has changed so dramatically in just 1 month. Therefore never live your life with regrets as I had. Appreciate the people around you.

Its the transitional period.

-life's like that

Goodbye.

I learned that we cant choose how we feel, but we can choose what to do about it.

xx signed off at 12:20:00 AM
Friday, 10 April 2009

In the past week, I experienced excitement and despair both at the same time.

This past week is one of the most exhausting weeks of my life.

I had BA's orientation and my paternal grandmother's death at the same time.

Let's start with the happy news first.

My group which is known as Sensuale Jazz during orientation rocked the house and brought the school down. We scooped up the Best Group, Best ASCO, Best SCO and Best Performance Award. Most of the other groups won only 1 or 2 awards. So we really were that fantastic.

Of cos the credit goes to my student coordinators who were brilliant, exciting and just super high. This is probably the easiest leadership you can ever get becos they are so independent and yet they still listen to my partners and I.

SENSUALE JAZZ! YOU ROCK MY WORLD!

now to the bad news.

my paternal granny left us without any warnings on 4/4/09.

Life is so unpredictable aint it.

It sounds just so unfair.

Now i am without my grandparents be it the maternal or paternal side.

And one of my greatest wishes was to have them at my wedding, or to hold on to my grandchildren.

Now it is impossible.

Now i am heading to Hainan, China in 2 hours time, so as to bury her body in her hometown beside my grandfather, just as she always wanted.

Sometimes I feel that I should not care about orientation so much. After all I had lost a loved one. The traveling to and fro to school and back to the wake was killing me.

I had to wake up at 6am or earlier, left for school, and at 9pm reach back to the wake, to spend much needed time with my family, and stay awake till 1pm before repeating the same thing the next day.

And now I had even delayed my flight to China for a day just to go for orientation.

Was it worth it?

Honestly, No.

And some of my closest friends don't even seem to bother at all.

That just sucks.

They seem to want fun rather than their friends.

It was just so disappointing.
Life is just so unfair.

If only I could turn back time.

xx signed off at 10:51:00 AM
Friday, 20 March 2009

Are Singaporeans really so unimaginative?

I was having lunch with one of my lecturers the other day.
And she was saying she felt worried about my generation people as she feel we have very little ideals and we are unimaginative.

Are we really that bad?

I do think its the way we have all been brought up.
After being taught to do things as we are told for the past 10 years.
All of a sudden being asked to start thinking on how to do things instead of being shown the way might be a little out of the comfort zone.
The education system has been very "inflexible".

Several of my American tutors have commented to me that they feel we have no freedom in the education system. It is very rigid as they say.

Afterall, what do you expect a nation with very little freedom as shown in a survey to be?
Or a nation which seems to be very socialist, almost communist, but they call themselves Social Democrats.

Don't get me wrong. I aint blaming the govt for all of our problems. After all they brought us to become a modern country. But it seems that they are running out of ideas on how to make the country more inventive.

We are even being taught on how to be creative in ngee ann. How stupid is that?

You just have to look at the govt to see the kind of messages that they have been sending out.

First was the Budget Terminal. They decided to hold a competition to decide the name for the new budget terminal. After reviewing thousands of entries, the winner was " THE BUDGET TERMINAL". I am super sure there were other more good ideas than this. Even a 7 year old kid could have came up with something cool! But no, it was called THE BUDGET TERMINAL.

Now, again the govt are showing some signs of idiotism. They recently held a competition to name 3 formula 1 turns in the Singapore Grand Prix.

First was at the Benjamin Sheares Bridge.
Second was at the Memorial Hall at City Hall.
Lastly was at the Supreme Court.

After going through more than 1,400 suggestions, the winning entries are:
1. The Sheares
2. Memorial
3. Singapore Swing

Gods.

I was stunned by this.

This govt is really sending out the wrong messages.
I feel so insulted to be part of Singapore after this.
This is really belittling Singaporeans creativeness.

In a way, it is kind of disappointing.
I expected alot more from this govt of ours.

As the saying goes, the more you expect, the heavier you would fall.

This was a great fall.

xx signed off at 9:16:00 PM